yesterday is such a pretty word.

yesterday, in the midst of a very happy and serene moment, after waking up from a 20 minute nap and feeling the warmth beside my body and the squeeze of my hand, i rolled over and began to cry. the tears streamed down noiselessly and i starred at the white wall and debated saying something. what i wanted to say was horrible and easily interpreted in too many ways that werent right. but i said it aloud anyways. i let a fat tear roll down my cheek into the corner of my mouth and said, into the wall, "i really don't want to live anymore. i really find it purposeless."

i had no reasoning to explain why the thought had come to me at that moment. i was warm in bed, enveloped in the arms of kindness and yet, I still felt and still feel very angry at life.

i went on to say "all i see is pain and everyone seems so unhappy. i think it's just awful."

fifteen years after my whiney adolescent phase and i still feel the same way just below my superficial gaiety. i dont really know what to do beyond being honest about it.

someday johnny will be very famous..

and take care of us all.

from the horses mouth:

"Hey all!

The pre-release press blitz for the new Apse album (har har har) continues, as we're featured on this week's All Songs Considered on NPR!!!

Go here - you can download the podcast, too.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113272970

Apse is featured at the end, so you'll have to wait for the whole thing to load. They play an entire song at the end... and odd choice, i think, since it's definitely a later album track, not a potential single or anything... but oh well. Apparently Bob Boilen really likes the album, so that's awesome."

i never get tired of this view..


or this one

in-sanity

i just want to write. but i need an editor to approve my articles. right now i dont really have one. blah.

aside from that, here's how things are looking for the next 6 days:
today- work work work, manage pre-season kickball party, see friend's band play.

tomorrow- morning meeting with lead strategists, catch a train to CT, see loved ones and eat new haven style pizza.

thursday- take off at 10am to drive to canadian's wedding at Niagara Falls- pit stop in Syracuse to visit lifelong friend and his new asian bride.

friday- rehearsal, dinner, partay.

saturday- wedding, partay.

sunday- drive back to CT and have dinner with moms hopefully (before she disowns me for never hanging out)

monday- back to NY.


i am so pumped and so overwhelmed.
not to mention Advertising Week starts next week and i'm trying to beg for funds to go to some of the seminars. i could give two craps about the cocktail parties.


scatterbrained post over.
:P

today i done bought the prettiest flowers i ever seen

:]

help me decide!

i really want these boots:
http://www.thefryecompany.com/Product-Women-Boots-Tall%20Shaft-77800BLK.aspx
next paycheck i'm going to get them.

but i cant decide- Black? or Grey?
I like both equally much.
I feel like I'll get more wear out of the black since I wear so much black.. but i dont KNOW!!!!! this is driving me nuts.


feedback. please.

i want so badly to be away for a while- on a wood deck- get a splinter- trees and breese and some water nearby. beers and charcoal and someone brought their dog. someone definitely brought their guitar. hot sun all day and cool enough for blankets at night and lots, tons of stars and quiet sounds. surrounded.