Welcome to Riodjomama

9 months doesn't make much difference..

2011-01-06T14:57:00.002-05:00

Aside from the fact that I've grown to become a confident and much more adult person (for me - i'm an aries and will always be on the immature side)-- this year never really righted itself in my favor. Now I have to hope that 2011 brings closure to a few things and more joy. Here's where I'm at...
--

Basically my dad's about to pass away. Keeps going in and out of the hospital and it's brought up a lot of issues for me that I didn't even know were still in me.

He was pretty abusive when I was younger, and although, yes, i've worked through it and we've made 'some' amends, mostly I just let everything go because he's been sick for the past decade and I figure that he's getting what he deserved for the pain he's caused. Mainly I just shut everything out because it was easier. I moved away from CT and just put it out of my mind and it worked out alright. I would pop in and visit once in a blue moon and it was just understood that that was how it was going to be. lately though, as he's taken a turn for the worse, there's been a lot more phone calls, he's wanted to see me, etc. I understand all this but it's taken it's toll. Seeing him more often has brought back a lot of my feelings of resentment, which also spur some negative feelings I have toward men as a result. It's complicated, deep-seated psychological stuff.

On the other hand, I started dated someone I thought was terrific this summer. Kind of an oddball but in a good way, cute, supportive and very loving. But, come the Fall, he started devolving into an insecure person I just didnt recognize. Became very needy to the point where we actually broke up in December (well I broke up with him) because I couldnt handle the pressure of both things happening at once. We got back together, but it's just not working, so now I tried to ask for some space to clear my head, plus I'm really not that clingy of a girl and like my space in general. The boy is not having it. Basically he's an extremist and wants all or nothing. I also feel he hasn't been empathetic enough about my family issues.

So after voicing my needs to him he basically flipped out and said he still wanted more of me and I said no. we were at a standstill and I tried to smooth things over and see if we could continue with compromise, but he just stopped speaking to me.

There's more to it of course. My trying to please him for so long has obviously given him the impression that I believed in his method towards a relationship. So I shouldn't have done that. Should have been myself from the beginning. But that is my lesson. Also, from his end, he became way too demanding of my time and attention- I feel.

I'm just emotionally exhausted now. And despite how much I care for him, I kind of wish he Would just stay away for a while and find out who he is on his own. It's been pretty awful.

So that's me. It may not sound huge, but I also don't want to get into the million details that when, compounded, have made it basically unbearable for me. And now I'm hurting because I've lost my love and am about to lose my dad and am not sure how to feel about it at all.

I'm taking as much solace I can in my friends for now. Just talking it out. Making sure I'm not crazy in my decision to stick up for my needs, and trying to take my mind off of things. Been working well so far. But I feel there is more bad to come. I really hope not tho.

weekend update email to VJ and Donna

2010-03-22T11:25:00.000-04:00

i got tan this weekend.
V- i'm sorry to hear about the snow. that might have enraged me.
I missed Kav a lot this weekend. I don't know why. I always remember the good stuff, I guess. Am feeling lonely as well.

have second interview tomorrow for PR manager for this company-
www.jackmorton.com

meeting with the head of marketing tomorrow AM and just sent over some writing samples. I have to say, the one thing that my current job gave me was ample time to craft and write some really good articles that i'm proud of. When I read them, they restore my confidence that I can take on this new job.

I haven't been feeling very confident lately. as much as i try to keep my chin up, I'm just sad again. I fell off the wagon and drank a lot this weekend and feel pretty down. I think there really must be a correlation between the drinking and my brain chemicals.

I also am just craving, needing a big life change because I'm starting to feel really despondent about everything. and that's no fun.

sorry for the life affirming email guys. heh.
I did have a nice weekend- I spent a whole day tanning in the park and I played went running, did yoga and played kickball yesterday which is all a part of my plan to get in shape fast. That Always makes me feel good about myself. And that's something I Can control.

I think I'm just confused about what my next steps should be- because this job seems to be coming to an end, My lease is about to end and I have to figure out where to move, and my relationship just came to an end and that made me really sad, despite how strong I've been about it. Add that to my part-time worries about my mom and our finances. It's all a lot to think about.

sorry for all the wind!
love you both
Ro

i think

2010-03-07T20:08:00.003-05:00

i overreacted. it still felt good to get that emotional garbage out of me and into space. and it's still really good that my relationship ended because it was just sucking too much anyways. we both knew it. i dont know why i freak out so much whenever big things conclude. i want to try to temper that more in the future. i think it'd be better for me.

try try again.

i finally grew tired of worrying about things..

2009-12-07T16:17:00.003-05:00

and finally am beginning to feel free.
sometimes it's alright to get sleepy. take a rest.

it's about control. and about relinquishing control.
it's about passing the ball along so everyone gets a hold.
with nothing to hold onto so tight, i get to float a bit. i needed that.
i'll figure it all out tomorrow.

The bike path less traveled

2009-12-04T15:25:00.002-05:00

somerville, MA

Total Eclipse of a Full Moon

2009-12-04T14:54:00.001-05:00

This New Years Eve there will be a Total Eclipse of a Full Moon. I was raised on astrology so this is important- to me.

"There will be always be finality to a lunar eclipse, so it's a bit like walking over a bridge to a new land, but after you get to the other side, as you turn to look back, you see the bridge collapse. There's no way back, and if you think about it, you will admit you wouldn't want to go back. "

I'm ready for this.

yesterday is such a pretty word.

2009-11-03T14:34:00.002-05:00

yesterday, in the midst of a very happy and serene moment, after waking up from a 20 minute nap and feeling the warmth beside my body and the squeeze of my hand, i rolled over and began to cry. the tears streamed down noiselessly and i starred at the white wall and debated saying something. what i wanted to say was horrible and easily interpreted in too many ways that werent right. but i said it aloud anyways. i let a fat tear roll down my cheek into the corner of my mouth and said, into the wall, "i really don't want to live anymore. i really find it purposeless."

i had no reasoning to explain why the thought had come to me at that moment. i was warm in bed, enveloped in the arms of kindness and yet, I still felt and still feel very angry at life.

i went on to say "all i see is pain and everyone seems so unhappy. i think it's just awful."

fifteen years after my whiney adolescent phase and i still feel the same way just below my superficial gaiety. i dont really know what to do beyond being honest about it.

someday johnny will be very famous..

2009-09-28T13:24:00.002-04:00

and take care of us all.

from the horses mouth:

"Hey all!

The pre-release press blitz for the new Apse album (har har har) continues, as we're featured on this week's All Songs Considered on NPR!!!

Go here - you can download the podcast, too.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=113272970

Apse is featured at the end, so you'll have to wait for the whole thing to load. They play an entire song at the end... and odd choice, i think, since it's definitely a later album track, not a potential single or anything... but oh well. Apparently Bob Boilen really likes the album, so that's awesome."

2009-09-23T20:12:00.003-04:00

i never get tired of this view..

or this one

in-sanity

2009-09-15T09:57:00.002-04:00

i just want to write. but i need an editor to approve my articles. right now i dont really have one. blah.

aside from that, here's how things are looking for the next 6 days:
today- work work work, manage pre-season kickball party, see friend's band play.

tomorrow- morning meeting with lead strategists, catch a train to CT, see loved ones and eat new haven style pizza.

thursday- take off at 10am to drive to canadian's wedding at Niagara Falls- pit stop in Syracuse to visit lifelong friend and his new asian bride.

friday- rehearsal, dinner, partay.

saturday- wedding, partay.

sunday- drive back to CT and have dinner with moms hopefully (before she disowns me for never hanging out)

monday- back to NY.

i am so pumped and so overwhelmed.
not to mention Advertising Week starts next week and i'm trying to beg for funds to go to some of the seminars. i could give two craps about the cocktail parties.

scatterbrained post over.
:P

today i done bought the prettiest flowers i ever seen

2009-08-31T21:40:00.000-04:00

help me decide!

2009-08-28T10:23:00.001-04:00

i really want these boots:
http://www.thefryecompany.com/Product-Women-Boots-Tall%20Shaft-77800BLK.aspx
next paycheck i'm going to get them.

but i cant decide- Black? or Grey?
I like both equally much.
I feel like I'll get more wear out of the black since I wear so much black.. but i dont KNOW!!!!! this is driving me nuts.

feedback. please.

2009-08-14T15:39:00.003-04:00

i want so badly to be away for a while- on a wood deck- get a splinter- trees and breese and some water nearby. beers and charcoal and someone brought their dog. someone definitely brought their guitar. hot sun all day and cool enough for blankets at night and lots, tons of stars and quiet sounds. surrounded.

1001 distractions and counting..

2009-08-14T15:36:00.003-04:00

http://rulesformyunbornson.tumblr.com/page/2

and June 24 IS required listening.

HACK

2009-08-14T11:35:00.002-04:00

i simply cannot live without this blog.
it's a world i don't know, it takes me completely out of mine.
the writing is fantastic. the artwork is.. too.
http://samarov.blogspot.com/

give to me.

2009-08-13T13:05:00.003-04:00

am excited for fall.

sometimes i blog elsewhere..

2009-08-13T11:14:00.000-04:00

BOOM!
http://www.shortandsweetnyc.com/2009/08/eat-drink-beaner-bar.html

:)

2009-08-12T09:56:00.002-04:00

I was discussing with Kav how much we used to love Stabbing Westward but how we realized upon more adult reflection how fucking trite their lyrics are... i figured I'd post this beaut of an example:

"You are all I am
you are all I ever want to be
I think of you
A solitary cry
echoes through my throat and through my mind
I think of you

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming
I think I woke up screaming again

For hours I'll just stare
at my ceiling at nothing at all
and think of you
candlelight through bells
make shadows just like roses in my mind
and I think of you

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming
I think I woke up screaming again

Could this last forever?
Or will I die?
Could this last forever?
Or will I die?
Just can I die?

Maybe I could try
to take a bath and drink a little wine
and think of you
But probably I'll lie
naked on the floor by candlelight
and I'll think of you

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming
I think I woke up screaming again

I think I woke up screaming
I had a dream that you still loved me
I think I woke up screaming
I think I woke up screaming again

I think I woke up
I think I woke up
I think I woke up
I think I woke up

I think I woke up
I think I woke up
I think I woke up
screaming again"

Conversely, last night I had a dream that I was hanging out with my ex. I woke up abruptly from that dream to find a huge mosquito sucking at my inner elbow.

This morning I duct-taped my air conditioner.

busy bee.

2009-08-07T13:14:00.003-04:00

hi how are you?

tonight is an exciting night. i'm being taken to brighton beach to go to a restaurant called Tatiana's that is notoriously rife with russian mafia. My mother even phoned me after some thought and said she wanted me to be extremely careful. now i'm excited And scared. but we will be there early and supposedly there's fireworks!! (altho i'm not supposed to know this ahead of time - it is impossible to surprise me i guess :)

so i think this will be a good, adventurous day.

we've also got a full squad ready to tear it up for kickball and everyone seems excited and motivated- if we could only stave off the rain.

top this off with out-of-town guests and i'm not sure i'll get the rest I sorely need after this crazy work week- new website launch is just over the horizon (say mid august)

;) leaving early for a nap today.

i haven't written words in this blog for sometime, so there you go.
all caught up.

jane has some interesting things to say today..

2009-08-03T17:00:00.001-04:00

http://debauchette.com/

more long portraits and other good things here:
http://vimeo.com/siege/videos

i think i really want to go to a service..

2009-08-02T15:29:00.001-04:00

i thought this was cute..

2009-08-02T15:24:00.003-04:00

and then she pulled him aside and smacked him for holding his umbrella incorrectly.

look to the left of the party

2009-08-02T15:21:00.001-04:00

what it was

2009-07-30T21:08:00.003-04:00

there's a long goodbye. and it happens everyday.
when some passerby invites your eye to come her way
even as she smiles a quick hello you let her go you let the moment fly
too late you turn your head...

2009-07-27T05:19:00.001-04:00

2009-07-27T04:38:00.003-04:00

tonight i had this dream that i was driving a bus full of the sweetest special needs kids and we were driving down a beautiful road with high cliffs to either side when suddenly the cliffs fell apart and water came rushing in and flooded the road and filled the bus almost completely, leaving only a few inches for the kids to breathe. i had to somehow navigate the bus through the water and crash landed into the side of a hospital where everyone was safe. but i stumbled away devastated that i had let it all happen.

i should have felt good that i saved the kids right?
i can't sleep.

the city

2009-07-25T14:30:00.005-04:00

sometimes the buildings and humidity around here..

2009-07-24T07:52:00.003-04:00

have me feeling i'm in miami.

but it's definitely not miami. and i'm glad for that. whew, imagination.

aw i want this..

2009-07-23T16:23:00.002-04:00

as soon as i'm outta debt (next year maybe :)

To Wish Impossible Things: When Reality Becomes Real

2009-07-23T11:32:00.000-04:00

Jen is a really smart girl.

To Wish Impossible Things: When Reality Becomes Real

2009-07-22T20:41:00.008-04:00

it occurred to me today that the feelings i feel and the way that i behave is completely right to me. i cannot be afraid to be passionate, quiet, thoughtful and lonely most of the time. i cant not act out because of it.

my mother is a very wild woman who is tormented by her past. she thinks and says whatever she wants to and it always caused me some embarrassment growing up. She can be serious and frightening with her looks, opinions and words. She's struck me and yelled at me and I've been the passenger in the car as we drive down the wrong side of the road. I'm not afraid to be like her. I am proud of her. She has been beaten down by life, and continues to suffer. She is beautiful in her strength to live and in her love for me. She is only as selfish as we all are, in wanting a better life for herself, filled with love and purpose.

As i long for purpose i look at her in my mind and realize that chase for purpose can be unbearably painful when you think about it as much as two women such as us.

we are afflicted.

If you hadn't already heard about united..

2009-07-17T13:03:00.002-04:00

United Guitar Debacle <---clickme

Same old lessons. Be proactive not reactive. Address a problem as soon as you know it's a problem.

plus the video is great.

love this

2009-07-17T09:17:00.002-04:00

http://colormekatie.blogspot.com/
optimism is something i put away on the highest shelf sometime last year, which is stupid because i'm short!

wow

2009-07-15T12:50:00.000-04:00

this stuff is SUPERcool:
http://dustbowl.wordpress.com/

things i would not want to live without

2009-07-14T11:23:00.002-04:00

everything bagels toasted with cream cheese
soup
physical therapists
my eyes
dogs
hammocks
pillows and blankets
books on tape and npr
poetry
really good hair stylists
the people on the CT email chain
the girls on the weekend update emails
my brooklyn kickball crew
my psychotic family
80+degree weather
short summer dresses
mussels in garlic pepper cream sauce
coca cola in a can with a straw
pink and red toenail polish
shrimp
pulled pork sandwiches
red bell peppers
hot sauce
grass and the smell of grass
fireflies
thunder
really good coffee
homemade tacos
movies and couches
hope
adventure

2009-07-14T09:25:00.001-04:00

whaddya think VJ?
I seriously seriously do not give a fuck anymore about requests for long hair. It doesnt suit me. I don't like it. This is my favoritest hair cut. this is me.

2009-07-14T09:19:00.001-04:00

relearning what it's like to be on my own again.
getting kinda irritable when people around me ask me for stuff.
feeling a little selfish right now.

phases.

letter to Mary, et al.

2009-07-13T11:03:00.001-04:00

my new address is 488 graham ave., 3rd floor, brooklyn, ny 11222. you should write me a letter! i really really love regular mail.
i'm tired of the interweb.

i'm going through a lot of changes- a Lot of growing pains- and I'm just trying to cling to my sanity. Everytime i move upwards into adulthood i feel it emotionally and in my body. I dont like giving up my kiddish ways. I try not to altogether. but my job is forcing me to be quite a bit more serious - i can't lose it right now- but my heart wants me to fly away to a new state. I've never stayed in one place for this long since i was 18 and i'm not fond of it- i get restless. but i have to do what's good for my work experience and do right by my familiy who've been bailing me out for years.

see. that sounds so responsible. blech.
today i'm going to the Glamour Garage, which is run by majorly beautiful rockabilly bettys and getting a more punkish yet somehow professional (?) haircut. we'll see how that goes :)

xo

2009-07-13T09:50:00.002-04:00

does anyone else behave/think drastically differently in the nighttime from the daytime? i feel so much more lucid and stream of conscious at night. all the barriers come down and words- good or bad- flow from me and away. and when, in the morning, i look at what i've written in the sky, it's wind-blown and hard to distinguish my thinking's drift.

I've always felt that the night is magic.

2009-07-11T09:53:00.001-04:00

"For me this book is like the letter you write to someone that you regret sending seconds after it falls into the post box because it is so honest and revealing that you are mortified by the thought of having it read. Even though you meant every word of it, sometimes you can mean it too much."
-HR

sisters.. doin it for..?

2009-07-10T10:32:00.002-04:00

I know all these women around me- the ones that I talk to the most and see most often- that seem to have the same issue as of late and I'm wondering Why it's such a trend. I even heard it on the train the other day, word for word- (i wrote it down) haha.

"He loves being with me, he said so. He said especially when times are good. It's like a vacation for him. But he won't give me the two days a week I need to feel like we're really together. Plus weekends. He sees me when He's got time and it's really really great. But when there's a problem, or I need him, he's not there. I guess we're in a working phase. We're working it out."

Seriously? It only caught my attention because I was having this same conversation in my head til recently. I hear the same thing from my gals at kickball and from my gals across country. Every girl clamoring for a guy who's emotionally available- like all the time.

I thought about this and called my mother.
She said, word for word (i wrote it down- might even tattoo it):
"Men are not like women. They don't care about emotions. They care about pussy. Remember this. Be smart and just keep away from assholes. Have fun."

Take from that what you want.

2009-07-09T23:53:00.000-04:00

you are a coward.

2009-07-08T21:53:00.002-04:00

this is what i'm not doing when i'm home alone:

sigh.

2009-07-08T21:34:00.005-04:00

you would think that as a latch-key kid, as someone who spent the entire time from when she was 7 until 18 home alone, or in a room, alone, that i wouldn't be afraid to be home alone.

but seriously, it's true.

2009-07-03T09:53:00.002-04:00

i see things that you would like, in streets, in windows, inside, and know that I no longer have the privilege of giving them to you.

2009-07-02T08:21:00.002-04:00

"If i keep writing
Traveling all over
Pushing myself until I squeeze the truth
From out of my pores
She will find me
It's worth it"

-HR

more music

2009-06-27T20:43:00.000-04:00

from mr. Vinyard:

"Hey Ya'll,

No time for my usual breakdown. But wanted to get this out to you. If you like a track check out the band and buy something. I just purchased a 12" from Yacht and a 7" from Memory Cassettes

https://rcpt.yousendit.com/706223746/46edee083f2bec27df9c862afae8f63f

If you have trouble downloading please let me know.

Feel more than free to forward

Chris"

it's a safe link. it's great music. :)

this one goes out to johnnyboy, who's being sued for no reason.

2009-06-26T14:17:00.000-04:00

this year has been the suck.
but we are going to pick ourselves up by our bootstraps and cram our fists down the rest of 2009.

no more sucking. all fisting.

here's some summer music for you kids:
http://thefader.com/articles/2009/6/23/freeload-the-fader-issue-62-podcast

really good.

brain splatter

2009-06-24T15:58:00.004-04:00

For the first 3 years of my life in NYC I had a fucking blast. Sure, it was hard being poor but I liked my sweet gig as an assistant, i liked walking around barefoot at work, i liked searching for new music all day long and making mix cds to play in the agency and I really liked my crazy ass boss. On top of all of that, I was still holding on to who I was before I moved to this fucking city- and who I was for the first 25 years of my life was a bitch. I was a sarcastic asshole who fucked with people at work and school and played jokes on everyone and rocked out in Boston and was a whole hell of a lot happier than I am now, while I try to grow up and make money and please everyone around me- except me. I also used to spend a lot of time exploring- alone- the city and my mind and my interests. I'm not going to say that I like being alone. I am a social creature who needs to retreat now and again for sanity- but There was a period of time when I moved here that I was utterly alone except for the brief interactions with my roommates and co-workers. It was a time when i really grew into myself. I wasn't happy, I wasn't always nice- but who says you should be.

i'm not trying to write an eloquent piece here. I am venting a concern about a serious break in character that seems to have cropped up in the past year since I got laid off. I'm not sure if it's something to do with it being a very dramatic life change- one minute your day is full and your mission is somewhat clear and the next- nothing.
yes. it probably has to do with that.

What happened to me, psychologically as a result of the economy is fucking weird. I dislike it, I dislike being a pussy and being so sensitive all the time. I think the tremendous amount of security and independence I built up over the years was truly shattered once everything came to a screetching halt.

I'm really unsatisfied with how discontent I've been feeling lately and I need to start sticking up for myself again, talking back, voicing my opinion and having fun again.

I got way to introverted during my time in the unemployment hovel.
It's disgusting.

so completely amazing.

2009-06-12T10:00:00.002-04:00

my boys joe, john and josh are playing a show.. but not just any show!!!!!!

Here's some press from the Boston Phoenix "On the Download" blog:

If all this talk of Jamaica Plain is giving you a pre-emptive case of the 39 shivers, head over to Machine on Sunday night (Sox are off in Philly! Fuckwitted steakhead count slashed!) for the debut of the burgeoning queer-friendly rock collective LOUD AND QUEER. This collision of shirtless bartenders, queer rock and the option of a darn good shoeshine has been a long time coming in Boston, and it feels so right. Oh the bill: Brighton’s venerable UGLY FUCKLINGS, whose gnarly rock tirades often…well, look at the picture up there. Elsewise, SHARK —a trio featuring members of Apse, Chaplinesqueand Instructions rock a kind Bauhaus meets Verve meets Veuve kind of vibe. They’ll be playing tracks off their debut full-length, which they’ll be releasing at the show. Between set jams will be provided by DJs JOSEPH COLBOURNE (mind-melting long lost dancefloor gems) and DJ SUN ONE (house, Afro-beats and Latin), and it’s all hosted byMC SANT 1 (of Zullo). Hit this party hard and heads up for flying jockstraps during the guitar solos.

Loud and Queer @ Machine | 1254 Boylston St., Boston | Sunday, June 14 @ 9 pm

things and stuff

2009-06-11T09:46:00.004-04:00

thisisindexed.com

i'm about to sign a new lease on a brand new place this friday :) i'm so friggin happy, i've been kinda couch surfing and very stressfully seeking out a good place to live for the past 2 months.

i'm moving in with my friend gidalya- who you will love- to a two bedroom in williamsburg. it's 2 blocks from the park where i play kickball (score) and centrally located to all the places i like to drink and vomit on people.

there will be a living room with an eventual couch and you and tim will sleep in my bed. please come visit soon. I'll be moved in by June 20th.

shout out to Etsy

2009-06-09T10:31:00.004-04:00

I JUST BOUGHT THIS! :)

i just love Etsy. people make such beautiful things.

etsy.com

i had to put this somewhere..

2009-05-28T14:59:00.000-04:00

"My cat wrote a song?
I knew she was into a lot of stuff (small arms combat, fly fishing, scientology), but it's totally news to me that Boom Boom has written a dance hit called Pow.
no wonder there's always creepy photographer guys hanging around my apartment."

-Gidalya

morniiiiiing.

2009-05-28T10:10:00.000-04:00

as i'm furiously typing away, returning emails this morning about work, about apartments, about an american apparel finally opening up in my hometown in CT, i keep seeing something out of the corner of my eye and what the corner of my eye says to me is- that is a stick of butter on your desk, Ro. a stick of butter. wrapped in stick-of-butter wrapping and just chilling on the very perimeter of my sight. i start to find this really amusing and dont want to look directly at the stick of butter because it's much funnier to believe that someone put a stick of butter on your desk and that it's not my laptop charger.

I have one, secret, special desire.

2009-05-27T11:55:00.000-04:00

That the factory which produces Victoria's Secret "Love Spell" scent would spontaneously implode.

Whatever,

2009-05-21T17:10:00.001-04:00

Matt.

aw

2009-05-20T21:37:00.001-04:00

aw the White Rabbits are playing tomorrow. I've always meant to see them.
http://www.myspace.com/whiterabbits
Kid on my shoulders was always the best.

2009-05-16T10:10:00.002-04:00

---
Free from it all
I'm not gonna change till I want to
And I'm free from the world
where I built too many walls

By the way she looked I should've calmed down
I went too far
Oh thats all I got to say

oh and VJ-

2009-05-15T16:56:00.001-04:00

i'm growing my hair out. it's amusing.
Wendy's gunna put caramel high lights in it when it gets chin length.

edible ones.

i got your interactivity right HERRRRR

2009-05-12T13:48:00.000-04:00

http://www.gtiproject.com/

yes.

just ate some bangin tacos..

2009-05-12T12:29:00.004-04:00

alone. wah. being the new kid at the agency is always weird. Arnold made it easier methinx. People there badgered me all day in order to see my boss, so I HAD TO interact. It's that PULL strategy- My boss drew people in through me. The issue here being that there are two divisions to the company- Strategy and Design. There's no marketing dept. i AM the marketing dept. and I sit away from everabody else and i get hungry around noon so i go out and eat tacos at noon, alone.

I'm also technically assistant to the CEO, but that's about 5% of the time and I never have to schedule meetings for him.. or do.. anything. but it's only day 2.

what's fun tho is i finally get to pretty much do nothing but research all day long. which is good cuz i'm nerdy. that may change as the findings pour in and we start writing content. My days are speckled with meetings to discuss the findings and build the beginnings of a strategy (i've got one in mind already, but i'm seeing if this research leads to any revelations)

the main thing i'm finding out about business websites these days is that they are surprisingly: static, simply a place to park information, dont give you any indication of personality, and don't offer much opportunity for interaction as a visitor. THAT interaction thingy is the Big finding. So how would you get someone to visit anyways? And once they got there, how do you engage and differentiate from the competition. This is the task to which i'm bound. I really like the work. It's kind of what i was hoping to do for ArnoldNYC's website, but that was a whole expensive redesign- whereas this is a focus on content and connectivity. i like it.

it's just like me and my situation. Why should anyone come visit me at my desk? I clearly have to work on my interactivity. I dont think I've got enough PUSH in my personal life strategy. or maybe it's PULL. or maybe I'm in a taco coma and can't remember my strategies. i shouldnt even be sharing my strategies!!

but i've said to much and now i have to kill you.

i wonder how long it will take before i can remember everyone's name and someone actually wants to talk to me for more than 45seconds.

one thing's for sure, no matter how satisfying the work, and it is so far, i dont think it could ever be the more important and defining facet of my life. I think the things I do when I leave here are vastly more interesting and make me a whole.

more insights to come.

got this on my phone from G.

2009-05-08T05:26:00.001-04:00

i am dickchicken.

I woke up to birds singing.

2009-05-08T05:18:00.000-04:00

just now i looked out our tiny bathroom window..

2009-05-07T09:27:00.003-04:00

and saw a statue of a black stag raping a black angel in the neighbor's yard. The stag has breasts. The angel is face down, legs in the air. The statue looks home-made. Here I am thinking I've temporarily moved to a mob-run, safe italian neighborhood, with old men on stoops who call out to me "Half day? or day and a half?" when I pass by them at 2pm. Here I am enjoying mom and pop shops devoted to Just pork, Just pasta and Just bangin' pastries, but it's all a clever distraction from the Satan worshipers next door.

Kind of awesome.

i don't know what it is about this house..

2009-05-06T21:42:00.003-04:00

But I've been having such vivid and wild dreams here. They are never scary and I sleep soundly through the night, but upon waking and for the rest of the day I can remember them.

I'm staying in this old railroad, it's been repainted and fixed up slightly by my friend Aric. But for the most part, it's bare, except my area, which looks like a microcosm of my old room. Scarves and mirrors hanging. My little lamp. No space for the bright one. And it's in the center of the apartment, and there are no doors yet and i can feel this constant energy flowing from the back of the house to the front.

It's a very interesting house that reminds me of my childhood, but not any specific house or memory.
...
Maybe it's because I'm sleeping in the opposite direction.

just when my internet went high speed.. : )

2009-05-05T16:18:00.002-04:00

my tongue remembers your sweetness. my mind how hard the beat was. my heart reserves a seat yes. but my strength remains defeat-less.

you should remember that i can take a beating. i should remember too.
and remind myself next time you come swinging.

2009-04-01T10:00:00.000-04:00

i Never want to be so busy that i forget to care about people.

zoe and the people from the past

2009-03-21T18:19:00.002-04:00

i keep meeting these girls, who remind me of you, and i wish i was seventeen pulling on your toes to wake you up, skipping school to skip rocks on the sea. salty and sticky. stuck together on the wharf like barnacles.

and i miss my dusty old civic. with sand ground into the pedals, scraping the pads of my feet and it feels incredible. driving the length of the sound, turning left and into the woods, past the fresh cut golf course, then another, then another.

spilling out onto the driveway, hot pavement on our bathingsuit bottoms, eating taco bell. and you only ate chalupas. and we would have never moved if your mothers car hadn't rolled in and called you away to sweep the floors.

advice from the Dali-Vaughnda

2009-03-17T11:27:00.001-04:00

In a way your life is like a glass of water with some sediment in it. The water is your life. The sediment is your karmic dept/ life condition/ your weaker self. For instance, part of my weaker self is sloppy who'll turn in an estimate with bad math because I don't want to recheck it and I'm in a hurry. This has seriously caused me problems my whole fucking life and it's a constant battle.

Anyways, you know the people who get under your skin and irritate you on a consistent basis? Do know why some days you can handle them and some days you can't? Instead of viewing that person as annoying pain in the ass. You should view that person as stirring up your own karma. The people who push your buttons are a test. A chance to control your weakness.

It's a nice reminder that when those people are getting to you it's because you are letting your weaker self win. Sometime I forget, but when I remember this, it helps me battle my weaker self and consequentially help stave off the annoying people. There will always be annoying people. You're the only person you can control. Getting back to a clear glass of water who can handle her own damn sediment.

Wear your bell bottoms, Wendy. It's Tuesday.

2009-03-10T22:23:00.003-04:00

hairless and shining and sun-kissed and brilliant. A pillar, a healer, someone who kneels before God. Wielding a spoon and silver in our pockets, stronger and burning brightly for longer. Brandishing valor, the girl in the tower, clearing the way, a defendant and innocent. Or insolent. Hurt and dying to be understood. Good. we all have these ideas of what we have to be.

swoon

2009-02-24T17:27:00.002-05:00

stolen from style.com without looking back.

rarrrrrrrrrr

2009-02-23T11:33:00.001-05:00

clicky

eff department stores- aplusr is the best wedding registry

WANT

2009-02-22T22:08:00.004-05:00

give

give

give

ooo purty america

2009-02-22T21:59:00.004-05:00

if i was this girl, i'd wear this too.
JOY

depression runs rampant

2009-02-18T00:46:00.002-05:00

despite my best efforts at being a sane and regular human being like my cohorts, my crazy mood swings are back in full effect lately.

not sure why this is happening all of a sudden, but it's sure to destroy some part of my life, as per usual.

sometimes i wish i could just disappear.

am adding a new links section

2009-01-15T11:16:00.002-05:00

For cool, arts-related and fashion events around nyc.
I suggest you go to these sites and subscribe to their email blasts.

also- if you dont currently subscribe to Tasting Table newsletter, you are missing out on important things like the best spots to get wings around NYC and updates on restaurants' expansions or closings. I looooooooooooveit.

ARTS:
in a related story, I have to gather up information for the Councilman's office on the local arts scene (Bburg and Greenpoint)-- I need to develop a list in a few days of all the government-subsidized arts programs for the nyc area and then another list of all the possible artists organizations, galleries, etc in my part of brooklyn that can take advantage of the govt's programs.

So if you are an artist in a collective, or know some good ones- hit me up asap to be included in this project.

XORO

forgetting it's Christmas

2009-01-07T13:12:00.003-05:00

you can read the article here or follow the link-
http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/2009/01/07/world/AP-ML-Gaza-A-Reporters-Story.html?_r=1

Sorry to be a bummer, but there are some really fucked up things going on right now all over the world.

--
GAZA CITY, Gaza Strip (AP) -- I live alone in my office. My wife and two young children moved in with her father after our apartment was shattered. The neighborhood mosque, where I have prayed since I was a child, had its roof blown off. All the government buildings on my beat have been obliterated.

After days of Israeli shelling, the city and life I have known no longer exist.

Gaza City, with some 400,000 people, stopped supplying water when the fuel ran out for the power station driving the pumps. We listen to battery-run radios for news, even though the outside world watches what's happening to us on television. Grocery stores are closed and food is scarce.

Hospital officials say more than 600 Palestinians have been killed in Israel's military operation to crush Hamas, the radical Islamic movement that rules Gaza. Many are civilians.

Three days after Israel began its airstrikes on Gaza on Dec. 27, my apartment building was shaken by bombs aimed at a nearby Hamas-run government compound.

My brother took a picture of the room where my boys, 2-year-old Hikmet and 6-month-old Ahmed, once slept. Their toys were broken, shrapnel had punched through the closet and the bedroom wall had collapsed. I don't know if we will ever go back.

The Israeli army issued a video of the bombing of the Hamas compound, which it posted on YouTube. I can see my home being destroyed, and I watch it obsessively.

On Tuesday, I stood outside my apartment building but didn't dare to enter. I was worried the remains of the nearby Hamas compound might again be shelled without warning.

Driving back to central Gaza City, I took the road where Gaza's two main universities are. It was covered with shards of glass, telephone cables, electricity wires and flattened cars. This road was once crowded with students, taxis and street vendors. It was always noisy and jammed.

The only shop I found open was a pharmacy run by my friend Eyad Sayegh. He's an Orthodox Christian, and I stopped to wish him a Merry Christmas -- Eastern churches celebrate Christmas on Jan. 7.

Eyad told me he forgot it was Christmas.

All the landmark buildings I covered as a reporter have vanished.

The colonial-era Seraya was the main security compound for the succession of Gaza's rulers -- the British, Egyptians, Israelis, the Palestinian Authority and then the rival Palestinians of Hamas.

We used to fear the Seraya, where the central jail was. Now it's rubble.

Of the presidential office overlooking the sea only a few walls remain. For many Gazans it was a symbol of our statehood, even though President Mahmoud Abbas, who also heads the Fatah movement, hasn't been there since Hamas seized control of the territory in June 2007.

Someone planted a Palestinian flag on the building's remains. The huge gate at the western entrance still stands, giving an illusion of something big behind it.

And across the city, the Parliament house is half destroyed.

On Jala Street, one of Gaza's main roads, I saw about 30 boys around a leaky irrigation tap on a traffic island. They were clutching empty soft drink bottles and jerry cans, trying to fill them with water.

Samir, who is 9, told me his family has no water at home and he wanted to bring enough for a bath because he and his brother smell.

So do most people in Gaza right now.

In my father-in-law's building, residents throw out bags of spoiled food. With no power, refrigerators don't run and fresh food quickly rots.

Shortages are getting worse, leading to unusual gender equality in the bread lines. I saw about 150 men and women gathered to buy bread -- but standing in separate lines. The men complained the women, normally so deferential to men, kept pushing, so now they have two lines.

There are few cars on the roads, and most of those are media cars, ambulances and vehicles packed with civilians. Some look like they are fleeing, with mattresses tied to the roofs, but who knows where they can go.

Israeli helicopters fly overhead. I hear blasts in the distance. The roads have been ripped apart by explosives.

I drive into downtown Gaza, trying to prove to myself I can still do something I have done so often before -- drive through my city.

I reach the Catholic school I attended, where my late father used to bring me every day. The building is undamaged. I stand in front of it, wondering if I will ever walk my children to this school.

of course

2008-12-19T17:43:00.001-05:00

i make plans for new years and the most perfect show is hitting up Mercury Lounge on the same eve.

jerks.
i have been trying to catch the Vandelles for like 2 years. argh
http://www.mercuryloungenyc.com/event/2335

but you should go.
imma be with my people.

courtesy of james-

2008-12-18T11:25:00.001-05:00

From IMDB:
On the set of The Fly (1986), Jeff Goldblum and Geena Davis agreed to a trade. Davis would get get Goldblum's acting talent and Goldblum would get Davis timeless looks. Unfortunately the satanic ritual being performed by David Cronenberg, who was a novice in the dark arts at the time, was interrupted when co-star John Getz walked in and demanded a sandwich. As a result the only exchange that took place was Goldblum acquiring John Getz's youth. This explains why no one has seen John Getz since 1991 and why Geena Davis, to date, remains talentless.

Liz's take:
"he's preserved in a light jelly made from invertebrates?
just a shot in the dark here.... "

Joy to the World

2008-12-16T18:07:00.000-05:00

Joy to the World (Hoyt Axton song)
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

"Joy to the World" is a song written by Hoyt Axton, and made famous by the band Three Dog Night. The song is also popularly known by its incipit, "Jeremiah was a bullfrog". The words are nonsensical. Axton wanted to convince his record producers to record a new melody he had written and the producers asked him to sing any words to the tune.

Three Dog Night's version went to number one on the pop music charts in February 1971 and was the top single of the year in Billboard Magazine for 1971[1]. The song was released on the band's album Naturally. It was also released on their albums Around the World With Three Dog Night (1973), Joy to the World: Their Greatest Hits (1974), The Best of 3 Dog Night (1982), and Celebrate: The Three Dog Night Story, 1965-1975 (1993). Three Dog Night never really wanted to record the song but they needed one last track for their Naturally album. The group had been on an overseas tour when that album was released and were greatly surprised to hear that the song they didn't want to record ended up being a big hit.

The edited single version (3:17) released on Dunhill records (D-4272) varies from the version widely available on their Greatest Hits collections. The mono single has a guitar solo in the instrumental bridge at approximately 1:10 that is not heard on the stereo Greatest Hits version. Plus the trailing ad libs in the single were edited from the order in which they appear in the stereo version.

In the 1990s, former Three Dog Night lead singer Chuck Negron recorded the Christmas carol "Joy to the World" and playfully included a few lyrics from the Three Dog Night/Hoyt Axton song — coming to a full stop in mid-song for the line "Jeremiah was a bullfrog." The refrain of Axton's song was also included in Mariah Carey's recording of the Christmas carol for her 1994 Merry Christmas album.

Three Dog Night's version was listed at #100 on Billboard's Greatest Songs of all time. *[1]

gimme

2008-12-16T13:32:00.003-05:00

girls love Horsepower vroom vroom

all i want for new years

2008-12-08T14:17:00.001-05:00

is this

crazy and yummy.

conversely

2008-12-08T12:16:00.002-05:00

i definitely hate the cold and wish i was digging my toes into warm beach sand right now (florida tournament cant come soon enough!) but i really do like the holidays.

December is awesome if you are hella dorky like i am and love christmas music, especially feliz navidad, and the Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph specials on TV. I also love getting a tree every year and making everyone leave the room while i decorate it so it can be a surprise. see? dork.

but saturday it snowed. and it didnt hit me at first, i just enjoyed the first snow with a big smile.. but later. like- this morning. i thought of going home. where the snow sticks. and where i would build a snowman. because you got to. and Charlie would wait until the exact moment i finished the snowman, and then tackle it. what kind of dog does that??? she was so smart.

then i'd make snow angels and she'd jump on and eventually lay on me.
i haven't really cried about her since she's gone, but today i'm sobbing like a little baby. fucking animals. they're so good.

god this sucks.

grrrrrbrrrrrrrrr

2008-11-23T11:08:00.002-05:00

i am anti the cold.

heres to it!

2008-11-19T20:21:00.002-05:00

here's to comin up on one of the best two week spans ever.
swag party, Mid-Season kickball party, best friend visits. Other best friend rock show. sushi date. job interview for something that i'll probably turn down, but hey i get to see the sun!

and the best day of all days next week- thanksgiving. I am cooking again this year!
if you didnt know, i'm pretty much obsessed with stuffing, turkey and gravy. now you know.

unemployment only got me down for a week. there is so much shit to do when you're not busy working.

i do need to get married for money soon tho so i can expand my wardrobe.
that is all.

Hi V!

treat them well and let them lead the way

2008-11-14T12:55:00.001-05:00

thanks kmart karen.

Women's hands are usually warm so they can't make sushi.

2008-11-13T14:32:00.002-05:00

Sitting in a dark room. Slowly being drained of vitamins A and E. Watching Oldboy. a favorite.

Thinking about who put me in this place. Who's fault is it really? And who's ass I'm going to have to kick when I get out.

The President

2008-11-12T13:34:00.001-05:00

Prologue

The president’s heart was no longer vested in the propagation of a war begun several terms earlier by a predecessor. A war whose beginning the fighting soldiers could not remember.

-
-
-
ADD
MORE comment about people
-
-
HERE
-
-
-
The war had escalated so much so that much of Florida and Louisiana had been incinerated. Anyone left alive along the gulf coast after the Southern Invasion was either a prisoner or a northerner. This was no longer a war to benefit the rich who believed that the investment would pay off after a few years of sacrifice. -
- MORE
This was no longer a war that would establish the country’s political prowess and reestablish masculinity in every mother’s son.
-MORE.
Most definitely the creeping Christian right had not been bolstered by the near million dying faithful.
This was the third world war no one had predicted.

This was the war that threw everyone into the cold. A great migration to Canada and Siberia became the only immediate option, once it was discovered that the enemy could not withstand low temperatures but kept standing under nuclear attack. MORE
MORE
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The armies of the world stood guard at icy borders while the first subterranean cities where built behind their backs.

Happy Birthday Kappy!

2008-11-08T19:19:00.003-05:00

everytime i drink the BEAST i think i'm drinking hawaiian punch out of the corner of my eye-

only slightly disappointed.

you want it!

2008-11-06T16:52:00.001-05:00

in times of strife i often turn to fashion.
i have a bear hat.
just sayin.

Bear-Cardigan

Got Laid Off Today

2008-11-05T14:53:00.002-05:00

but get to work til Friday!
So the worst certainly is not over.
But i knew it was coming.
Wish i hadn't procrastinated looking for another job.
but now i have time to look for one.

In other news-
Last night WAS amazing:

i would like..

2008-11-03T16:13:00.004-05:00

i would like some leather, over the knee boots in a neutral color or maybe just matte black.

please give me 600 dollars.
or, pay my rent.

---

in other news, This was a very crazy weekend.

highlights include:

Halloween at 151 Kent

Sake Bombing with The Naturals kickball team

And the Brooklyn Kickball Awards Ceremony

yay.

i rully liked this interview..

2008-10-31T16:23:00.002-04:00

i like it when people think about stuff and plan stuff at their own pace.
M.I.A. i dig it. and you sorta new it was coming.
http://www.thefader.com/articles/2008/10/24/stylee-fridays-mia-talks-fashion

vidyo:
http://www.miauk.com/

this is why my friends are amazing

2008-10-31T13:33:00.003-04:00

EMAIL from: John Mordecai
to Liz, me, Joe, candace, Rob, mary, Brigham, Crystal, Eric, Heather, James...]

show details 1:30 PM (2 minutes ago)

sorry liz.
as an "artist," i am sometimes "sensitive" if i suspect "people" get the "wrong idea."

guys totally have tail. it's in the front.

rape is always wrong unless both parties are ok with it.

speaking of rape and teen icons -- has anyone seen Hillary Duff RAPING "Personal Jesus"?

that's right.
she took the beat, bassline and main chorus and melody, and made it her new single "Reach Out."

get this: instead of "Reach out and touch faith," she says: "Reach out and touch me."

if you couldn't guess already, it's about sex.
cuz you know, now is the time in her career when someone decided she had to grow up, so they gave her a song about sex and tarted her up. cuz sex = all grown up.

needless to say, i darn near puked.

---
editor's comments:
you can see this god awful piece of shite here: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=45390796

Hilary Duff is really, disappointingly, not sexy.
I miss Britney.

incredibly great show

2008-10-24T10:39:00.004-04:00

[Choe]

Is up now on the corner of Houston and Bowery. Called OUTSIDERS NY. Supahdoopah cool. go check it out now as it's over this Sunday- everyday noon to 8pm.

For me it was awesome because there was a BUNCH of Dave Choe stuff- including my favorite- this little lady-

couldnt even buy a print tho, as they are $800. :(

There was also a great one he did that has the city on the back of a whale and below it says "Can we fuck at your place tonight mine is a mess." i like the whale.

There's also a lot of Obama stuff- really really good show- two floors- be sure to go into the basement. I'm going to swing by for a second look this Sunday.

xo

a little late but sadly, he won't know.

2008-10-15T11:20:00.003-04:00

Alton Ellis - Godfather of Rocksteady - 1938-2008
RIP- Monday October 13, 2008

Listen to: "I'm Still In Love With You"

GASP

2008-10-14T11:33:00.002-04:00

lincoln center

art (?) (-) (!)

2008-10-09T16:57:00.003-04:00

Banksyyyyyyyyyyyyynot?

"The first official show by notoriously reclusive art prankster Banksy is open for business. At the stand-alone Village Pet Store and Charcoal Grill, such exotic species as robot monkeys, swimming fish sticks and chicken nuggets that dip themselves are on display. Bring your own lunch.
411: Open 10am to midnight daily until Oct 31, 89 7th Ave South (between Bleecker and W. 4th St) "

Here:
http://thevillagepetstoreandcharcoalgrill.com/

Hey, can someone go to this with me?

an insane thought occured to me today

2008-10-07T09:35:00.002-04:00

Those towering towers that are the bane of my not so urbane existence in williamsburg suddenly struck me as beautiful when I thought about living inside one of them.. perhaps facing the river.. and the city.. perhaps they allow doggies..

I have good credit and perhaps there's no money down for first time buyers.
Perhaps I can move in this May and with a pay increase, manage to make my monthly payments. Maybe i'd like to be a yuppie afterall.

anyways, i'm on the agent's interest list now. no turning back from at least taking a tour.

what am i thinking?

fall and elections and nostalgia

2008-10-06T16:41:00.005-04:00

When I was dating James we had a movie list. I kept it on a folded up piece of paper in my wallet and took it out when we went to the movie store so we'd know what to get. Neither of us could Ever remember what was on that list if it wasn't in front of us. It was a fun thing to do and we hammered out a lot of movie watching. Unfortunately, we always got stoned as we were watching and I either fell asleep or couldn't remember anything but a loose plot to the film. Fall reminds me of highschool which reminds me of James which reminds me that I miss that time of my life. But it also makes me smile as the crisp air kisses my cheeks and last night I saw my breath for the first time in six months.

I almost don't regret summer's end. I'm smiling about it at any rate.

---
The other night I had dinner with a friend and then tried to meet some others at a bar to watch the the vice presidential debate. The bar was overflowing and so was every single bar in williamsburg Brooklyn. So I went home. But it was still kind of a cool sight- peering in through steaming bar windows, the streets empty and then crawling into soft bed, under warm bedside light and just crashing like the economy.